all's well that ends well.

patriotic.

freshly groomed, complete with bows.

a beautiful sunny day.

walk to iraq and back kickoff (1/2 mile in)!

eight people- one mile each; 13,992 more to go...

the sandifer ladies at the first soccer games of the season.

loving soccer!

workin it out.

good game!

Although this weekend was fraught with intense high winds that kept me up at night and froze me during the day, although it was plagued by a bluray player that was brought home after repairs, didn't work and was returned for store credit and although I was lonely for my husband, it ended with the most beautiful chocolate chip banana bread I've ever made coming out of the oven at 9:30PM on a Sunday night and the house smelling homey and warm. All's well that ends well.

my life is army.

This morning:

• I read an email from my husband that made me cry.
• I watched a "thank you military" video I got in an email from my dad and had to mute the music so I wouldn't cry.
• I heard 3 different acronyms in an IM from Andy, and I have absolutely no clue what they mean (I even tried to look them up in his acronym post- no dice).
• I'm going on a Walk To Iraq. Our brigade is starting today with 1 lap around Iron Horse Park, here on post; everyone logs their miles together; and together before the guys come home we will have all hopefully logged enough miles to go to Iraq and back! I for one will be walking my butt off. Maybe if we finish faster, they will get to come home faster.
• I am going my friends' kids' soccer games, here on post. I will be the hot cocoa dealer and the photog. I will also be wearing my husbands silks underneath my clothes because it is 38 degrees outside with like 40 mile an hour winds. Poor little kids have to run around in this, with their little baby cleats on.

This morning especially, but also every morning, my life is Army. And I feel proud. Proud of my little American flags in my flower pot. Proud when I am on post and hear the daily bugle calls. Proud that I have already made it through a month and a week of deployment. And especially proud of my husband, as he embarks on his first real mission tomorrow. 

Think really positive thoughts for us- that I don't freeze and that my husband doesn't sweat to death!!

I'm going to take a lot of pictures of today, and my next post will be all pictures! It's been a while since a post like that, I think.

twenty things i really love.

• Crate and Barrel Customer Service.
• They are shipping my table separately and sooner than my backordered chairs for free (instead of forcing me to pay the $150 shipping fee). They have also just refunded me $100, since I looked at said table on their website today and found it $100 on sale to what I paid when I ordered it.
• Starbucks Breakfast Blend.
• Glee.
• Like A Virgin.
• Like A Prayer- the goosebumps haven't gone away yet.
• Army Wives.
• Blueberry Eggo Waffles.
• Boars Head Sharp Cheddar Sliced Thin.
• Online Shopping.
• Doormat, sheer curtain, dry erase board calendar, bookends, eyeliner.
• Edamame.
• Puppies Who Obey Me And Don't Pee On The Floor. 
• I own do not own this puppy.
• Flat Rate Priority Shipping On Packages To Iraq.
• $12.50
• Websites That Ship Directly To APOs.
• drugstore.com
• amazon.com
• Emails From Iraq First Thing In The Morning.
• Vera Bradley Lunch Bags.
• Pickles.
• Starbucks Iced Venti Sweetened Passionfruit Tea.
• Getting Mail.
• My Family and Friends Who Visit Me.
• John Mayer At Red Rocks In September.
• My 24th Birthday.
• April 28th.
• Andrew.

life is good.

After a somewhat gloomy and very wet Saturday (filled with baking, little kids, chinese food and puppy grooming - pics to come), Sunday is shaping up to be on of the nicest weekend days I've had here at Fort Carson.

I was woken up by and instant message text to my phone from Andy telling me to get up already and get on Skype so we could have our first Iraq video chat! Without a second thought, I rolled over and opened my laptop which often sleeps with me at night. I dim the screen light because it was so bright and the bedroom was so dark. What the heck time is it anyway? It was 6:30AM. Andrew got to me before even the dog had woken up. I swear if he wasn't in Iraq I would have had to give him a hit.

I pulled up Skype, still in bed looking my very very best after more than 24 hours with tons of energetic kids and my whacky puppy the day before, and saw my husbands beaming face. All I could do was laugh and cover my own face. "Don't look at me. This is awful." He laughed too and told me I looked beautiful. Seeing him made me smile. It made all of our inside jokes pour out of me. I finally had my friend. He was right there. I could see him and hear him.

But of course, less than 5 minutes into our chat, Andy's platoon sargeant came in to tell him that one of their guys was in trouble for some reason or another....blah blah blah....10 minutes later--they're still talking. So I seized the opportunity to leap out of bed and throw on concealer, eyeliner and mascara. By the time I was done, his PS was leaving his room. 'Allie?' "Hi. I put on a little makeup," I said with all the confidence 6:45AM and eyeliner brings to a woman. 'I know. I can tell. You didn't have to do that!' He must really miss me, to think that I look good that early. He's a good boy.

It was very cool to see Andy's room in the background of his video. It really doesn't look as small as he previously described to me. His bed is bunked, so he has room underneath it for some storage. He has a desk for his computer. Uhhh they even have a refrigerator, a microwave and a coffee maker in there!!! Endless possibilities for package items to send him now! Easy mac, cup of soup, cans of soup...

Speaking of food, Andy told me that he ate really well today. He was out with the IP and ate whatever they ate for all three meals...which was great things like baked pita-type bread, polenta-type things and fresh homemade entrees. He said it was the best he has eaten since he's been there.

Which is why I think it is now time for an open letter:

Dear Iraq,
So far, you are really not as bad as I thought you would be. You give my husband a pretty nice room with appliances and A/C that works most of the time. You give him enough internet to afford him 40 minutes of pretty good video chat on a Sunday morning. You give him tasty foreign food, which so far have not made him sick. You let him meet some nice Iraqi soldiers who treat him very well. I'm liking what you're all about. Let's keep the missions to a minimum, okay? If so, I think we will be all good. If you want to send him home early, I think that would be even better.
Warm Regards,
Allison Wilhelm, American.

After I hung up with Andy, I went downstairs and drank a fresh -brewed cup of Starbucks Breakfast Blend (an amazing new find in this household!) and watched two chick flicks in a row. I didn't have to answer to anyone. I didn't have to watch sports. I watched a back to back of The Ugly Truth and Made of Honor. Already, you see, I was having a great day.

Next, I did a little online shopping- detergent/fabric softener/static guard all-in-one sheets by Purex and qtips for Andrew, from drugstore.com, which BTW deliver directly to APOs! And of course two eyeliners for myself. I figure if my husband is going to be video-chatting me more any time soon, I'm going to need all the eyeliner I can get my hands on to spruce myself up!

It's kinda interesting to me that I feel like I need to look good on a webcam chat with Andy. The guy is in a desert. He uses pvc pipes as a bathroom. At one point, I know he hadn't showered in 5 days. He hasn't even seen women up close in weeks, I'm sure.  And yet, I think to myself, "Oh man, oh man. I gotta look good for him. I look terrible. This just woken up look will never do for the man I'm married to." Even when he tells me he can't see a clear picture, that I'm all pixelated and jumpy...I still want to look my best. I think that means I love him a lot.

After shopping, I did a little organizing upstairs in the office, I deposited some checks, I even wrote a long-overdue wedding thank you note that should have gone out in March. Then I came back down and watched an episode of Life- which was really good.

By this point in the day, the sun was shining so brightly and I was ready to take advantage of the nice weather. I took Lily out on an hour-long walk around Fort Carson. She did awesome (all thanks to our training classes we are attending weekly). She didn't stop for bikers, kids or other dogs. She just lapped at puddles and followed behind me like the obedient good girl she is. We passed through a lot of awesome neighborhoods and parks on post; we even passed the ice cream man. I wish Andy had been able to come with us. But I know this time next year he will, and we will LOVE it. We will love the late sun in the spring and summertime. I think we were a little tuckered out after our walk...mostly Lily though, since she just slept at the foot of the couch for an hour and a half before even lifting her head.

I really like today. I'm back to watching the Life marathon and I'm sucking on a fire stick (cinnamon jolly rancher). And what? I have no plans for tonight, except for maybe some leftover Chinese. Life is pretty good.

taps.

It reminds me of our time at West Point... Most nights, Andrew used to hold his phone out the window so that I could hear it play.

Listening to it echo throughout Fort Carson is the most comforting part of all of my days. It starts from absolutely nothing. I usually sit or lay still and listen with my eyes closed. Some nights I open my window to hear it more clearly.

It is so serene. It is so peaceful. It marks the close of each day on post.

24 notes invoke a feeling that is difficult to put into words. But when you are all alone and you listen, your chest fills with the deepest breath and, as you let it out, you feel this perfect relief wash over your body. Whether it's "I finally made it to bed" relief or, more often, "I made it through another day" relief...I am always relieved when I hear it again. I feel safe.

thinking the worst first.

Andrew finally made it to the JSS, after 3 1/2 weeks in Kuwait. Don't get me wrong, I loved Kuwait- mainly because I never felt like I had to worry about his safety. I also got pretty consistent communication from him while he was there. But I am kinda glad that the anticipation of him going to Iraq is over. I'm also really glad that all of his traveling is finished.

Due to crappy weather, instead of going to the JSS in helicopters they went in a convoy on the ground. To me, that meant much more of a chance of IEDs and ambushes. What a surreal reality-for Andy to be in that kind of potential danger and for me to be thinking about him being in that kind of potential danger. When I woke up the morning after they had travelled, I hadn't heard anything yet from him. I didn't hear for almost a day and a half. The following morning, when I was getting into my car to go to work, I had a thought I've never had before..."I'm really lucky the casualty officers didn't come and ring my doorbell this morning." ...I don't hear from my husband for a little while, and I let myself think the worst. Every scenario. He could have been blown up. Someone in his company could have been blown up, and there's a communication freeze. 

What would I do if they rang my doorbell at 5AM? I'd be in bed. I think I'd look out my window, pulling up one blind to see an unmarked car. And then I picture myself freezing. Just sitting down on my floor with my back to the wall. I have a feeling I would sit there for a while. Because you already know. You wouldn't need someone to tell you. I always refer to that moment as the worst thing that could ever happen. That sickening moment of solitude, when you know you are going to be alone for the rest of your life. That you just lost your best friend to something he believed in, something he knew he might die for, something he must have somewhere deep down been okay with dying for. 

I thought about this on my drive to work. And then I got to work, got out of my car and went on with my day. But I have a feeling these thoughts are going to be hanging around for a while. I have a feeling they're probably even going to get worse. Like when the doorbell rings, and I'm not expecting anyone... I think I'll begin to always think the worst first.

I obviously have heard from Andy. He is at the JSS. He hasn't been able to move into his plywood room yet, because the platoon leaders his company is replacing hasn't left yet. So he is just kinda displaced for a while. I felt bad, but he said the JSS is nicer than he first thought it would be. So I don't feel terrible. 

He actually had me pretty amazed today, telling me about make-shift urinals there. PVC pipes that are built into a wall and go directly outside into a moat. A moat of pee. I told Andy not to touch them with his you know what because he might pick up syphilis or something. That made him laugh. Apparently my first thought of how it works was not right. It's a foot wide PVC pipe that you just sort of aim and shoot into. I hope no one stands on the outside of that building. It seems like a way to play a dirty trick. Like all of a sudden you see someones face at the bottom of the pipe screaming at you or laughing. But at least then you could just pee on their face.

It's better for me to think of urinals at the JSS, then about missions Andy might go on. I don't really like the idea of missions. At least when you go on a mission you go, accomplish something and return. It's not open ended or anything. Still though. I always come back to the potential danger.

I think this is all part of it. So long as you don't let the worst thoughts overtake you, you're okay. So I'm okay. Lily is biting me a lot tonight and her breath kinda stinks, but I'm okay.

somebody misses her daddy.

cupcake of a night.

So after a crazy day at work, I was ready to unwind somewhat. I was having dinner over at my friend Mayela's.  But first I had a few stops.

First I went to Jackson Hewitt to present them with yet another problem with my NY State Tax Return...some how the military spouse act is NOT working properly for us...which is pretty annoying and adds just one more thing for me to think about each day. After them "not being able to assist me tonight, in order to seek help from higher up..."

I left and went to Best Buy to pick up a refund and to exchange our Bluray player. I got the new kid. The one who didn't know what was going on. He was able to pull up my receipt on the computer- and told me to go choose a new machine. I chose an LG that some salesperson named Giuseppe highly recommended. As soon as I brought it to the desk, new kid says to me "Well since your return is after 30 days we can't take it back, actually." Actually? Well, actually, this piece of shit you sold me doesn't work... regardless of the time frame. It's not like I stuffed a piece of bread in there and pressed play. I put in bluray and dvd discs... So I'd prefer you just make the exchange for me, since I've spent literally thousands of dollars in your store in the last 4 months. Well they'd prefer I take it to Geek Squad and be without a player for a month or something. Do I have another choice? No. So I leave my $200 machine with the morons who sold it to me. Hopefully they will give me back something that works with discs. I don't need a new toaster.

I then went to Walgreens where they no longer sell Physicians Formula makeup. And finally made it to Mayela's. We had a nice night and it was nice to catch up with her. I left her house at about ten- and I asked her the fastest route home. I could make my way back to the interstate or take the back roads which "may be a little unsafe this time of night. "

I took the back roads. I made it all the way to the street where I work, and, after passing 3 cop cars, I knew  I needed to keep my for some reason scared unsafe-drive-induced speeding in check. But I was on a road I drive every day too and from work, and as I came over the top of a hill I put my foot on the gas instead of the break and was quickly met with flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I knew it was for me and pulled over quickly. The officer parked that spotlight right in my side mirror so it flashed in my eyes. "Hi, I pulled you over because you were speeding tonight." 'I know." ::shields her eyes:: "Oh sorry I'll stand in front of it to block it." 'I was speeding because my friend told me this way home wasn't safe so I was scared and speeding to get back to Fort Carson.' "Speeding because you were scared." 'Yes. Sorry.' "You were going 49 in a 35." ::thinks to herself- that's not even speeding:: 'I know, I'm sorry.' "Do you have proof of insurance for this car?" 'Yes I do.' ::rummage rummage rummage:: 'What does proof of insurance look like? A paper or a card?' ::wow:: "It could be either one. That's it! ...okay you're good. I'm gonna reduce the ticket for you." ::she shrugs, then waits, then starts to cry, then holds a pity party, then wipes her tears:: "Okay I put you down for 44 in a 35 so you don't get 6 points on your license. You just get one point and the fine is $105. Here is how you come to court..." 'It's okay I'll just pay it.' "Well sometimes points can increase your insurance so you might want to come and get it brought down to a moving violation." 'Okay well. Okay thanks.' "Hey - slow down for me okay? If nothing else, I saved you from hitting any deer tonight." ....I got a nice cop? I pulled back out making sure to signal and stay under the speed limit. I even pass another cop pulling someone over. They must be on a ticketing spree tonight.

Then as I'm pulling up to Fort Carson getting into the turn lane... I hit a deer.

.... no I didn't, but that would have been the icing on this cupcake of a night, right?

I love my husband being deployed, just as much as I loved tonight.

easter at our house.

happy easter.

The Easter bunny came to Fort Carson today. He brought gallons of candy in all varieties: peeps, jelly beans, Reeses eggs, chocolate bunnies, chocolate candies, easter bunny shaped cakes. It was heavenly.

We started the day by dying easter eggs. Between the 5 of us dying 21 eggs, probably at least 6
 of them ended up with either "Andy" on it or "Army" on it, or some variation of the two. So although he wasn't here, he was with us in spirit. It was an eggcellent time. (i'm funny)

Next Laur, Matt, Dad and I took Lily to Garden of the Gods for a hike. Somehow a wrong turn landed us in a tundra of dried branches, dried rocks and sand and enormous steep hills --all in the middle of the huge red rocks. We decided the best way back to our car was to go through it- in hindsight, probably the wrong choice. With our exhausted puppy in tow, my dad led the way, encouraging us that we could make it through. After an excruciating and semi-panicked hike (which I know my husband would have taken at a jog and laughed at while we cried) we came over the top and saw trail on the other side!! We tried to carry Lily most of the way, but the girl was determined and scaled rocks 3x her size before any of us could. Her determination kept me moving, even in flip flops.

Starbucks saved us on our drive back, and gave us a little pep- but Lily conked out HARD in the back. She spent most of the afternoon sleeping by her window.

Shelly and her girls came over for dinner with my family- Jennie O. loaf turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, stovetop stuffing and canned cranberry sauce. Does it get any classier? I think not, friends.

We also had an easter egg hunt outside with Zoie, which was adorable. She would run from corner to corner of the yard and shout "I FOUND ONE!" Her face lit up every time she picked up a little plastic, candy filled egg. We made sure to get some great pictures for her daddy. It was Aubrey's first Easter, and it was a veggie filled Easter for her. We found out that broccoli is her lollipop. She LOVES it and gave anyone who watched her suck on them a very happy, crinkled nose grin. It was really fun to be able to share the holiday with them.

At present, we are currently exhausted and have hunkered down in our pjs with blankies and candy. I miss Andrew, because he loves to hunker with me. He is really good at it. I love that about him.

I got to him on the phone today, and things seem pretty status quo.  He is the acting commanding officer while Greg travels back to Kuwait and the acting XO while Tom went with the advance party to Iraq. It seems like he has a lot on his plate. He seems distracted and exhausted. Add that to the fact that he is pretty sick. Sore throat, sinus pain, headache, upset stomach- the works. I feel so terrible for him. You can tell he is miserable, because he bought himself medicine. I hope it clears up soon, all of it. Another thing I wish is that they had gotten to celebrate the holiday over there. It makes me feel sad that they don't get weekends and don't get holidays. But I guess that is the life, you know? Pooped on portapotties, cots for beds and no easter bunny. Of course the phone cut out on our conversation about 10 minutes in, without warning- no time for goodbye or even I love you. And it wasn't just Andrew's phone. It was all of the phones. Andrew said that as they cut out, everyone turned around and just stared at each other and the guys on line just dropped their heads. Our poor guys; they just wanted to feel part of home today- I hope they know that they were on our minds all day.

On a somewhat related note to my Andy, I think I have a sinus infection and have had it for over a week now. In the past 2 days I've developed a nice earache, complete with severely swollen inner ear to boot. It reminds me of Andy's cauliflower ear. This is what it must feel like to be a wrestler. Tomorrow I am going to go to the doctor, because I'm a little bit over it. I hope they give me medicine to kick this auto-immune disaster. Thanks, Mr. Graves for the prolonged illness.

Best wishes and stale peeps.

best brother in law.

Matt wins the award. He found my picture link! Great JOBBBB, Matt!

And now ... for a photo montage of my move and the first week at the house.

Blizzard the night before our move left a snowflake surprise all over Colorado Springs.

Lily in the new house!

Our packed/unpacked new kitchen.

Living Room/Dining Room

Our new washer/dryer. You're going to love these, honey!

Our baby and her binkie.

And finally this last one is for my husband.